its been awhile

I'm losing weight again. New Year.. New Start and I'm not messing it up this time -- So far I've lost 7 lbs in six days :) :)

Once I reach 180 I will be back. I PROMISE!!!! (I never break a promise)

In the mean time im collecting thinspo... so there will be TONS of amazing Thinspo when i get back, just you wait ;)

Stay Strong. ♥

depressed

I dont understand how I can continue to mess up? why do I not have the strength anymore like I used too? If I want to be skinny so bad, why dont I just suck it up and lose the weight???

I HAVE to do this. I'm tired of feeling like this....

I'll be fine once i get it, I'll be good ♥

Monday
Morning: 184
Night:tba
yogurt- 110/0fat

Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday

Im not giving up this fight :) FUCK YOU FOOD.

Monday
Morning: 183 :(
Night: tba

i binged yesturday i really shouldnt have. im kind of upset but its my fault i didnt have to eat.
i forgot how much i HATE running.
so i think im going to prom. kinda iffy about it because i didnt lose the weight i wanted to.
im going to try to really hard for the next two weeks
notice my pathetic atempt at exercising below.

Activities: tanning, cleaned room.
Exercise: tredmill 10 mins -50cals
(never eating junk food ever again if it takes that much to take away only 50 cals fuck that shit.)
              Crunches 25 x 2
(im so out of shape. fml. i used to play basketball but obvs. not anymore)

ahh ill post thinspo later on my next update

QUESTION:  Should I...fast or eat an apple a day?

Tuesday ~ Fast
i cant weight myself i hate the number...183 even tho its better then 187 but i want to be in the 170s now
i think i might fast today i cant help it. i need to be in the 170s

Wednesday
messed up
i need to stop and focus on whats important.
REALITY CHECK:
im NOT like everyone else-- I CANT eat w.e i want
I will NEVER be like everyone else untill im skinny
if you eat you WILL get fat
I dont think like a normal person and never will until i get this right.
its impossible for me to not think about weight. every second of the day. im soo messed up. id be sitting in class and i would be like i wish i had her arms.. i hope i find a dress, i will look horrible.. i shouldnt of ate yesturday.. but shes eating why cant i eat. shes soo skinny. i wish i was skinny.
UGHHH do any of you think about your weight constantly?? like every second of the day??
I DO.


Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday

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I'm never lookin down so I always know whats up ♥

Wednesday ~ Fast day 1
cw 187/188 :(
well i did nothing for 2 weeks.. now back to business
it felt good that mark commented on that i lost weight even tho it doesnt feel like it...
so i want to lose more for the next time isee him :)

i really really want to fast until friday the 30th.. there is a work meeting. I want to look good :)
it looks like so many days tho and my tummy is growling but thats a good sign cuz that means my metabolism is up again :) :) hopefully i will be in the 170s.

Thursday ~ Fast day 2
morning: 184!?
Night: 185?

i felt so moody today
one minute i was like leave me the fuckk alone and the other minute i was fine.. eh.

Activities: work and tanning

Friday ~ Fast day 3
morning: 181
Night: 181

i got my period!! so happy :)
how is this happening... another -4/3 lbs in one day maybe i will be in the 170s sooner than i thought :) :)

Activities:
went to the mall and bought ae pink plaid shirt(medium size 10),a key necklace, three heart zirconium necklace, a hoodie from aero( a large), and pink studded tounge rings. :) i could of bought more but my dumbass thought i had to save 40 dollars but i already saved it...ha.
then Tanning and Walmart.

i walk into pacsun and these hot black guys are there and they are like whats better her rack or her ass and one said rack and the other said noo the ass. and i was like omgsh. and i turned around and they were all laughing and smiling.. so idk if they were being serious or making fun of me because im not THAT ugly.... :/ what do you think???
i think im just FAT as hell. ugh!

i have a pic of me from my best friends baby shower i will show you ladies sometime like a before and after(but not until im a good weight) cuz the pic was when i was 183.

Saturday ~ Fast day 4
morning:178 :)
night: tba

so tonight the plan is to clean my room again lets hope i do it this time. Then im going to put my tredmill in my room (id rather have an eliptical) because as much as i HATE running i HAVE to do this to lose weight and get toned.

i have such a strong motivation. nothing can stop me :) :)

im so glad people dont make me eat it makes my life easy :)

Sunday ~ Fast day 5
halfway there..
morning: 178 :(
night:tba

hopefully im 177 or 176 tomorrow morning.
i plan on going to work then relaxing for a bit then running my ass off


Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday (170)

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